'Nice' For What?

       

 Nobody wants to be that girl that everyone thinks is the angry 'bitch' who complains about everything and just can't overlook even the smallest of things.One may not even realize that she unconsciously tries not to step on people's toes because she doesn't want to be branded as the 'nagging' type or the 'hag.'

    A time that I realized that I fell into this 'nice girl' trap was when I was about sixteen. I had what you would call, 'a year-long fling' with this boy in my school. I went for a basketball game one sunny Saturday afternoon and that was his chance to have his lips fall upon another girl's own. 

On Sunday afternoon after finishing a not-so-pleasant meal of clumpy rice and stew with fish, 'Mr. Man' came and told me the great deed he had done the afternoon before. As he sat next to me and narrated what happened I was deeply hurt and dissapointed but in compliance with my 'everybody deserves a second chance' rule, I forgave him on the spot and walked with a sunken heart to go for my long-awaited siesta.

    As I got to the dormitory and went to tell my girlfriends the great calamity that had befallen me, they asked me what my response to him was. I told them that I forgave him and they literally all went out of their minds over the absurdity of it. Next thing you know, they were throwing questions at me left, right and center:'Forgive him ke,' 'Don't let him go scot free like that nau,' 'Ohhh you are too soft,' 'If it were me ehn...' And then it hit me how easily I had let 'Mr. Man' off the hook.I even started to think,'If I weren't this soft, he wouldn't even have had the audacity to do that.'  That may not have been true but that moment of realization that I was not firm enough hit me like a brick.I had to teach him a lesson. Well the rest is history now but I'm sure enough of us have gotten caught up in the trap of trying to be the 'nice girl.'

Even if you haven't been caught up in the 'nice girlfriend' trap, you may have gotten caught up in the trap of remaining silent while being fat shamed. You might have even laughed it off and then gotten up to the point that even when you do not find people making fun of your flabs funny, you can no longer find the audacity to voice out that you dislike the teasing. Unfortunately, you have fallen into the 'nice girl' trap and you cannot seem to find a way out.You would rather laugh at being insulted than be tagged a 'lamming' babe, 'vexing' babe or 'hag.'

Even when you legitimately do not want those boys' hands on your body or those girls' hands on your body, you cannot sum up the courage to firmly say 'no.' It would make you look mean and repulsive so you let that slide too. Or you will feel like you would lose that relationship if you stop being the 'nice girl,' so you shut up and play along.

Some of us always want to be in the good light of boys and so cannot afford to be seen as one who is always nagging. Even when you are talking and you are interrupted, you do not object to the rude interruption. You would also rather cower in silence than refuse to lend your pen, your note, or your lovely dress just so you would not be tagged as someone who is 'somehow.' You are always eager to please.

 I find it funny how many boys think that their approval of your actions is a sign of a 'go ahead' or 'validation.' For example when I'm talking and some boys go like,'She is the only babe that makes sense.' In my head, I think,'Who asked you for your opinion?' Some talk as if I would stop talking once they disagree with my words. What a joke! Some people would also run away from the word 'feminist' because they don't want to be tagged as the 'angry bitch.'

These may all seem like little things till we all grow up and we are willing to be 'nice' enough to forgo our lofty careers, dreams, financial independence etc all in the name of not being a tagged a 'hag' or being told that you are 'asking for too much.' On the long run, being a 'nice girl' won't make you more loved or accepted, it would only make it easier for people to take advantage of you. However, do not fear! It is not too late to fight for the liberated woman you want to be. To do away with some unnecessary and unhelpful expectations of what a respectable woman should look and act like. The solution is to take baby steps. Give your self short term and long term goals to work towards a more assertive you. Good luck 'Les Femmes Libres.'